girl gamer: n; a girl who plays games. Identical to male gamers, but for differing chromosomes and the dangly bits.

Only, you know, apparently not.

Take a look at the Urban Dictionary’s definition, and you’ll get quite a different picture. Girl gamers, as the ever-so-eloquent Jimmy writes, are, “A rare species of female which makes up less than .02% of the population. Under most circumstances an uggo or is really fat.”

Ouch, Jimmy.

But there’s more! Apparently, we also, “will try like mad to kill you in her game of choice, but can’t because of her inferior fingers.” My heart bleeds, Jimmy, it really does.

We’re not done yet, though. GrimReaper476 (loving the handle, I gotta tell you) mentions that there’s a, “very rare number of them, havent fonud any hardcore gamer chicks, jsut a few casual.” I can tell that you’re a learned man, GR. And take Iridosmene’s definition: “A female gamer who enjoys playing games and regularly does so.” You know, that’s actually a good one. Huh. My favorite, though, has got to be Wasser, who asserts that we are, and I quote, “As real as bigfoot.” He then has a clever acronym that no one’s ever heard of before!

G= Guy.
I= In.
R= Real.
L= Life.

So, class, from Urban Dictionary we’ve learned that girl gamers are fat. They’re ugly. They don’t exist. They’re men.

Also, they’re people, who happen to be female, who like to play games.

And this brings me to the heart of the matter–why the hell does the sex of the gamer matter? Why can’t we just, I don’t know, bond over the time we spend farming the Felwood for Timbermaw rep (fucking faction grind), or the number of times the words “noob” and “fag” drop while playing Halo 2 online? (Xbox Live makes English teachers everywhere weep.)

Yeah, whatever, I know. I know that girl gamers are in the minority when it comes to video games; but honestly, to deny that part of that comes from a male bias would be ridiculous. But this is equal-opportunity blame, folks, and I can’t deny the obvious female bias towards games, even though I have no clue where it comes from. When I was a kid, my parents had an Atari (two, actually, but that’s a story for another time); we then graduated to the holy Nintendo, and then the N64, and there was a massive gap between that and the Xbox. Along the way, I supplemented my greedy gaming desires by gaming with friends–spending time with their Playstations, and then the PS2. And oh, the world of computer gaming–and this, added up all together, probably explains why I play games; my dad played games, and I wanted to be like my dad, so we played video games together and never really stopped.

The idea that girls don’t play games because we don’t like FPSs is ridiculous to me; yes, they’re violent, fine, check, but I don’t think that our delicate sensibilities are holding us back.

Short answer–I don’t know what it is. I don’t know why game companies feel the need to market shit like Barbie Horse Adventures–honestly, how could playing that game do anything other than cause brain hemorrhage and the intense desire to never, ever play another game again? But I digress. I’m not interested, today, in exploring all the reasons why girls don’t play games, or why people assume that girls don’t play games. I just want you to think, for a moment; gather up a mental picture for me of what you picture as a girl gamer.

And then throw that shit out the window, please, and stop caring what we look like, what genres we like, what consoles we own. After all, my Master Chief wields a rocket launcher just the same as you–full of grace and unrepentant hopping all across Beaver Creek.

Or, yeah, maybe that’s just me.